"Today's Thought" History
In case you were wondering or just missed them, here they are the past witticisms inhabited the Today's Thought" space. From the beginning, April 24, 2003, up to November 29, 2003.
Always remember you are unique, just like everyone else. :: 4/24/03
Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
Be the kind of person you always wanted your parents to be
Don't take candy from strangers unless they offer you a ride
To be great is to be misunderstood :: 4/28/03
It's never too late to have a happy childhood
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot
Walk by faith not by sight.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. :: 5/2/03
You can fool some of the people all of the time, and those are the one's to concentrate on
The hardest thing in life to learn is which bridge to cross and which bridge to burn. -- David Russell 5/4/03
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever. -- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
The older I get the better I was
This website looks best when viewed on company time
Change is inevitable, progress is optional
When ideas fail, words come in very handy. -- Goethe
The sure way to avoid work is to find a job you love
Nothing's impossible for those who don't have to do it :: 5/11/03
Given enough time, what you put off doing today will eventually get done by itself. -- G. Gestra
A professional is someone who can do his best work when he doesn't feel like it. -- Alistair Cooke
The 2 rules for success 1. Never tell all you know
I'm not good at empathy, will you settle for sarcasm?
If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
If aliens are smart enough to travel through space, why do they keep abducting the dumbest people on earth?
It often costs a lot of time and money to find out the best things in life are free
Many receive advice, few profit by it. --Publilius Syrus
History doesn't repeat itself -- historians merely repeat each other.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think 5/21
It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math
Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
Life is a comedy to those who think and a tragedy to those who feel. -- Voltaire :: 5/25/03
There is the greatest practical benefit in making a few mistakes early in life. -- T. H. Huxley
We can do no great things; only small things with great love. Mother Teresa
Young man, the secret of my success is that at an early age I discovered I was not God. -- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
A vacuum is a heck of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with. -- Tennessee Williams
To have the last word try an apology :: 5/30/03
The key to any relationship is sincerity. Once you can fake that the rest is easy
All great discoveries are made by mistake. Corollary: the greater the funding, the longer it takes to make the mistake.
Time and motion are illusions created by the minds inability to perceive everything all at once.
Oxymoron # 37 Common Courtesy
Oxymoron # 35 Tax Return
Oxymoron # 17 Rap Music
Oxymoron # 61 Original Copy
Oxymoron # 236 Self-Help Group
Oxymoron # 98 Freezer Burn
Mediocre people are always at their best
To be loved, be lovable :: 6/10/03
If you think pushing 40 is hard, wait till you start dragging it
Life is what happens while you are making other plans. -- John Lennon
We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then the trouble starts. :: 6/13/03
Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?
Dyslexics Of The World - Untie!
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. :: 6/16/03
My favorite memories are of the past
Time is a great healer, but a lousy beautician
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Always avoid alliteration
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
Two wrongs don't make a right but three rights make a left
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation. -- H. H. Munro
Reality often astonishes Theory -- Click & Clack, the Tappet Brothers
If we can put a man on the moon, why not all of them?
Got kleptomania? Take something for it.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Only some don't have film.
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity
It's not enough to be able to pick up a sword. You have to know which end to poke into the enemy.
Eliminate and abolish redundancy :: 6/30/03
"One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives." -- Mark Twain
By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong.-- Charles Wadsworth
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm :: 7/3/03
To be born free is an accident. To live free is a responsibility To die free is an obligation. General Bill Halley
"To suppose that any form of government will secure liberty or happiness without any virtue in the people, is a chimerical idea." James Madison
"Lethargy [is] the forerunner of death to the public liberty." Thomas Jefferson to William Stephens Smith, 1787
Sports doesn't build character so much as reveal it
Don't insult the alligator till after you cross the river
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!
Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.
A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
How come we choose from just two people for president and 50 for Miss America?
Imagination is more important than knowledge
The first time it´s happenstance. The second time it´s coincidence. The third time it´s enemy action. :: 7/15/03
"Certain moral principles can't and will never be decided by polls." -- Alan Keyes
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
Age brings wisdom, or age shows up alone ... you never know
Common sense is instinct. Enough of it is genius.-- George Bernard Shaw
Half the people you know are below average. :: 7/20/03
Having it all doesn't necessarily mean having it all at once. -- Stephanie Luetkehans
Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot
How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night? :: 7/23/03
The best things in life are not things
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?
Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?
I'd live up to my potential if it didn't cut into my sitting around time
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.-- Winston Churchill
The only nice thing about being imperfect is the joy it brings to others.-- Doug Larson
As my grandfather used to say, "If we all liked the same thing, the world would be after your grandma." :: 7/30/03
Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
Time is the best teacher, unfortunately it kills all of its students
"The worst thing in this world, next to anarchy, is government." Henry Ward Beecher
"I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up." Mark Twain
"It is not true that nice guys finish last. Nice guys are winners before the game even starts." Addison Walker
Let others praise ancient times; I am glad I was born in these. Ovid (43 BC-AD 18)
Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said. -Unknown
"No man ever said on his deathbed I wish I had spent more time in the office." Senator Paul Tsongas when the senator decided not to run for re election because he'd been diagnosed with cancer :: 8/7/03
Before I criticize someone, I walk a mile in their shoes. If they still bug me, they're a mile away, barefoot and I have their shoes! Unknown
There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. Bern Williams
"It's ideology, not poverty, that causes political violence." Don Feder
There's nothing like being a big man and owning up to the truth when you are caught red-handed.
There is more to life than increasing its speed. -- Mahatma Gandhi
Success in life is defined by how well you deal with plan B. -Marilu Henner
"Today's Thought" is on vacation. Thought will resume upon return.
Anyone who thinks old age is golden must not have had a very exciting youth.
Nobody ever promised me life would be easy...but, then again, nobody ever warned me it might be impossible.-- Jake Vest
Treading on thin ice is safer than trying to walk on water.
Working with your shoulder to the wheel, your nose to the grindstone and your eye on the ball, you will not get a lot done. - Unknown
Everything takes longer than it does. Don Strobe :: 8/23/03
Man has a limited biological capacity for change. When this capacity is overwhelmed, the capacity is in future shock.- Alvin Toffler
Anything that is not nailed down is mine. Anything I can pry loose is not nailed down.
"Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after the other." Walter Elliot
If it was not for stress, I'd have no energy at all.
Some days it just isn't worth chewing through the straps
Cats seem to go on the principle that is never does any harm to ask for what you want.--Joseph Wood Krutch
If at first you don't succeed redefine success
Every home is a school. What do you teach? :: 8/31/03
There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM. It could be a right number.
Tactics is knowing what to do when there is something to do. Strategy is knowing what to do when there is nothing to do.-- Savielly Tartakover :: 9/2/03
If you don't like what you are doing, you can always pick up your needle and move to another groove. -- Timothy Leary
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work...I want to achieve it through not dying. -- Woody Allen
Love is the wisdom of the fool and the folly of the wise--Samuel Jackson
I don't think adversity necessarily builds character, but it certainly gives you an opportunity to display it.-- Gary Bean
If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there. Unknown
Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have :: 9/8/03
If you don't think too good, don't think too much. Ted Williams (according to Car Talk, 9/6/03)
No one changes the world who isn't obsessed.- Billie Jean King
It is bad to put your foot in your mouth and it is bad to shoot yourself in the foot. But, when you shoot yourself in the foot while your foot is in your mouth, the risk of co-lateral damage is significant.
"The Map is NOT the Territory!" -- Count Alfred Korsbyski :: 9/12/03
If it sticks, force it. If it breaks, it needed fixing anyway.
Not everything that is faced can be changed. But nothing can be changed until it is faced. - James Baldwin
Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire. -- W.B.Yeats
A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car but if he has a university education he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt
If you don't get everything you want, just think about the things you don't want that you don't get. -- Unknown
The best substitute for brains is silence.
Life is a hard teacher. It gives the tests first and the lessons afterwards. - Eve Jackson 9/19/03
If you find yourself in a hole the first thing to do is stop diggin'. - Unknown
Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate. -- Addison Mizner
Kites rise highest against the wind -- not with it. --Sir Winston Churchill
Any day above ground is a good one!
Honesty is the best policy -- when there is money in it. -- Mark Twain
Some people change their ways when they see the light; others when they feel the heat. - Caroline Schoeder
Hard work is for people short on talent. - George Carlin
There is no limit to the amount of good that people can accomplish, if they don't care who gets the credit. Author Unknown
A graceful taunt is worth a thousand insults. -- Louis Nizer :: 9/28/03
Taking your worries to bed is like trying to sleep under a millstone. - Herald Grandstaff
If you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much room. - Unknown
If you're going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now. -- Marie Osmond
Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed. - Irene Peter
Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. -- Mark Twain
It's not the things we don't know that get us into trouble; it's the things we do know that ain't so. -- Will Rogers
Common sense is instinct. Enough of it is genius. -- George Bernard Shaw :: 10/5/03
"Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe." H.G. Wells
If you never make a mistake how do you know when you are right?
If you never make a mistake you've missed learning opportunities.
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.
I've learned that it is not what you wear, it is how you take it off.
The technical axiom that nothing is impossible sinisterly implies the pitfall corollary that nothing is ridiculous.
Those that can, do.
Those that can't, teach.
Those that can't teach, teach teachers.
Those that can't teach teachers write books.
Those that can't write books become managers.
Those that can't manage become management consultants.
And the rest become politicians.
anticipointment - noun. State of mind having overly-anticipated an event, creating unreasonably high expectations, then disappointment after the event has taken place because expectations were not met. :: 10/15/03
sheeple (SHEE.pul) n. People who are meek, easily persuaded, and tend to follow the crowd
affluenza (AF.loo.en.zuh) n. An extreme form of materialism in which consumers overwork and accumulate high levels of debt to purchase more goods
weapon of mass distraction n. Something that distracts large numbers of people from thinking about important issues.
prairie-dogging noun. When the heads of office workers pop up over cubicle walls in response to a loud voice or noise.
Goldilocks effect (GOHL.dee.loks uh.fekt) n. When something succeeds or prospers because it is neither too big nor too small.
plothole (PLAWT.hol) n. An obvious element missing from the plot of a movie, television show, play, or book.
Garage Mahal (guh.RAZH muh.hawl) n. A large or opulent garage or parking structure. Also: garage mahal, garage-mahal.
stepwife (STEP.wyf) n. The current wife of a woman's ex-husband; the ex-wife of a woman's current husband.
Hanlon's Razor (HAN.lunz ray.zur) proverb. A principle, used most often in computing circles, that says "Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity."
millionerd (mil.yuh.NERD) n. A wealthy person who made their money in computer software or some other high-tech industry
Falloween (fawl.oh.WEEN) n. An extended celebration or observance of Halloween, often beginning several weeks before the day; the retail season that extends from the beginning of fall through Halloween and Thanksgiving in the U.S. :: 10/26/03
jetiquette (JET.uh.kuht, -ket) n. The rules or norms that govern correct or polite behavior while on board an airplane.
summer slide (SUM.ur slyd) n. The academic setback that some children suffer after being off school for the summer.
clickstream noun. The virtual path a person takes while surfing the World Wide Web.
retrophilia (ret.troh.FEE.lee.uh) n. An intense attraction for things of the past. retrophile n.
If you're not part of the solution, there's good money to be made in prolonging the problem. :: 10/31/03
The down side to being better than everyone else is that people tend to assume you're pretentious.
It takes 43 muscles to frown and 17 muscles to smile, but it doesn't take any to just sit there with a dumb look on your face.
Your role may be thankless, but if you're willing to give it your all, you just might bring success to those who outlast you.
It's always darkest before it goes pitch black.
we are not looking at what can be seen but at what cannot be seen. For what can be seen is temporary, but what cannot be seen is eternal. - Paul
For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison - Paul :: 11/6/03
For we know that if the earthly tent which is our house is torn down, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. For indeed in this [house] we groan, longing to be clothed with our dwelling from heaven
He died for all, that they who live should no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died and rose again on their behalf.
we are of good courage, I say, and prefer rather to be absent from the body and to be at home with the Lord.
Therefore if any man is in Christ, [he is] a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.
By this we know that we abide in Him and He in us, because He has given us of His Spirit. And we have beheld and bear witness that the Father has sent the Son [to be] the Savior of the world. 1 John 4:13-15
I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the [life] which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me, and delivered Himself up for me. Gal 2:20 :: 11/11/03
you turned to God from idols to serve a living and true God, and to wait for His Son from heaven, whom He raised from the dead, [ that is] Jesus, who delivers us from the wrath to come. 1 Thes 1:9-10
that you may walk in a manner worthy of the God who calls you into His own kingdom and glory. 1 Thes 2:12
so that He may establish your hearts unblamable in holiness before our God and Father at the coming of our Lord Jesus with all His saints. 1 Thes 3:13 :: 11/14/03
For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who have fallen asleep in Jesus. 1 Thes 4:14
For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of [the] archangel, and with the trumpet of God; and the dead in Christ shall rise first. 1 Thes 4:16
Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and thus we shall always be with the Lord. 1 Thes 4:17
For God has not destined us for wrath, but for obtaining salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us, that whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with Him. 1 Thes 5:9-10
the Lord Jesus shall be revealed from heaven with His mighty angels in flaming fire 2 Thes 1:7 :: 11/19/03
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead 1 Peter 1:3
declared the Son of God with power by the resurrection from the dead, according to the Spirit of holiness, Jesus Christ our Lord Rom 1:4
For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. Rom. 1:16
For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who suppress the truth in unrighteousness, because that which is known about God is evident within them; for God made it evident to them. Rom. 1:18-19
For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse. Rom. 1:20 :: 11/24/03
But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Rom. 5:8
But I am hard-pressed from both [directions,] having the desire to depart and be with Christ, for [that] is very much better; yet to remain on in the flesh is more necessary for your sake. Phil. 1:23-24
And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in real knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve the things that are excellent, in order to be sincere and blameless until the day of Christ Phil. 1:9-10
Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, [and] being made in the likeness of men. Phil. 2:5-7
"In the Beginning there was nothing, which exploded." - Terry Pratchett :: 11/29/03
"Curiosity is the very basis of education and if you tell me that curiosity killed the cat, I say only the cat died nobly." -- Arnold Edinborough
What you are is God's gift to you, What you become is your gift to God
Age brings wisdom, or age shows up alone ... you never know
Attention: the Earth will end in 3 billion years, please await further bulletins
Everything will be alright in the end, if it's not, it's not the end
Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do. -- John Wooden
If you want to make God smile, tell him your plans.
If God had intended humans to smoke, he would have set them all on fire. :: 12/7/03
Few men speak humbly of humility, chastely of chastity, skeptically of skepticism. -- Blaise Pascal
No one ever says "It's only a game" when their team is winning. :: 12/9/03
Never let your mother brush your hair when she's mad at your father
To hear God's laughter tell him your plans
Very often a change of self is needed more than a change of scene. - A. C Benson
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal
difference between a dog and a man." -- Mark Twain
Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. - Dorothy.
There's nothing like eavesdropping to show you that the world outside your head is different from the world inside your head. --Thornton Wilder
People change, not necessarily in negative ways. Sometimes goals and intentions in life aren't aligned. It's
just choices we make in life. Otherwise, why aren't we with the person we were with in seventh grade?
- Kirstie Alley
If winning isn't everything then why do we keep score. - Vince Lombardi
A parrot talks much but flies little. - Wilbur Wright
The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed
that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened. --Sir Winston Churchill
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. - Albert Einstein
To the world, you may just be someone; but to someone, you may just be the world. - Unknown
All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. J.R.R. Tolkein
Everyone is trying to accomplish something big, not realizing that life is made up of little things. --Frank A. Clark
Consultant's Creed -- Sell a man a fish and he will eat for a day and come back tomorrow to buy another one from you. Teach a man to fish and [our consulting company] will be out of business.
Even if the voices aren't real they have some good ideas :: 12/27/03
If change is a constant, then stability is a psychosis. - Peter de Jager
Let others praise ancient times; I am glad I was born in these. -- Ovid (43 BC-AD 18)
Worrying is like a rocking chair; it gives you something to do, but gets you nowhere.
I am tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin deep. That is deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas? - Jean Kerr
I always said I would be somebody, I guess I should have been more specific. - Lily Tomlin
My grandfather once told me that there were two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first group; there was much less competition. -Indira Gandhi :: 1/2/04
Imagination is more important than intelligence. - Einstein
Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it.
Confucious say: To be is to do. Aristotle say: To do is to be. Sinatra say: Do be do be do. :: 1/5/04
"The difference between a good law and a bad law is that a bad law creates criminals, while a good law identifies them." -- R. Alex Whitlock
Profanity is the effort of a feeble mind trying to express itself forcibly." -- Jeff Cooper
It is bad to put your foot in your mouth and it is bad to shoot yourself in the foot. But, when you shoot yourself in the foot while your foot is in your mouth, the risk of co-lateral damage is significant.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet
It could be the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others. :: 1/10/04
"The safest road to Hell is the gradual one -- the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts." – C. S. Lewis
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?
The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
A little boy was overhead praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am."
A Sunday School class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off the neighbor's wife." :: 1/15/04
A ten-year-old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible. Then, one day, she floored her grandmother by asking, "Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus? The Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?"
My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?" "You're both old." He replied.
I may be schizophrenic but at least I have each other :: 1/18/04
When your only tool is a hammer all problems start to look like nails
Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. -- Albert Einstein :: 1/21/04
With money in your pocket, you are wise and you are handsome and you sing well too. --Yiddish Proverb
Worry is the misuse of imagination. - Unknown
Truth is stranger than fiction, because fiction has to stick to what you can make people believe is the truth. 1/24/04
I want to die like my grandfather...not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened. --Sir Winston Churchill :: 1/26/04
A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men. --Willy Wonka
You non-conformists are all alike!
Be the kind of friend you'd want to have
"It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress." -- Mark Twain :: 1/30/04
One more repro and I'll be debt free
That which does not kill me only postpones the inevitable.
He who thinks by the inch and talks by the yard deserves to be kicked by the foot. - Anonymous :: 2/3 and 2/4
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